June 2013
41 posts
mrs-freebatchof221bbakerstreet:
My dad: So i want to see Star Trek
My dad: but Cabbagepatch is in it
My dad: So i’m conflicted whether to go by myself or go with you and get hit in the arm everytime he breathes
Things She Loves: consider the bank. →
thingssheloves.tumblr.com
You know, a few months ago this dude friend of mine showed up to hang out with me all dejected. Over a couple of drinks he explained his long face — earlier that night, he’d been walking down the street behind this really cute girl, and when she looked back at him over her shoulder,…
Reblog if you're embarrassed of your weight or how you look.
i feel like tall people at concerts have everything they want in the world
“close enough”
—anyone who’s ever tried to even out their eyeliner. (via eatyourpie)
every song can be depressing if u try hard enough
where do we come from?
where do we go?
where do we come from?
*tear slowly streams down face*
*whispers dramatically* cotton eye joe
“What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter? What if women were the ones who started wars? What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly? What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun? What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs? What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis? What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands? What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes? What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons? What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence”? What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey”? What if you had to inhale your boss’ stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job? What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running? And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?”
—
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It
by Carol Diehl (via agentlesoul)
annnnnd boom.
(via stfueverything)
- someone: *says something*
- me: breaks into a song with a word they just said
like a month ago this lady came into my health class and talked about internet safety and she said the government has access to all of our snapchats we send and i was really happy because the government owns probably over 500 pictures of my double chin i dont know what else she said because i fell asleep
do you ever listen to a song and you’re like “i’m gonna make out with someone to this song one day”
shout out to all my favorite book series that don’t have a proper fandom on tumblr
- Fantasy novelist: Alright, time to create my fantasy world. Great thing about this genre is that I can make it anything I want. Could be based on any culture in any place from any time. Could be a mix of places and times, or something newly invented by me. Yup, there is literally nothing out of bounds here.
- Fantasy novelist: I'm gonna go with medieval England.
petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’
what about alaska
are we then normal canada
canada a bit to the left
What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?
i cried my ass of laughing
WARM CANADA
i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD
“Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.”
—Unknown (via drapetomania)
*accidentally bullies you in an attempt to flirt*
Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed
oh wow
you cant show me movies and television shows about ghosts and zombie apocalypses while giving me books with adventures featuring heroes fighting for the sake of the world and tales of demigods and wizards and then expect me to be content living in a world where you work at a job five days a week and come home at night to do it all over again until you die
THIS.
Having a crush on someone sucks
Because you become hyper aware of all your flaws and start wondering of they notice them too…
KNOWING SOMEBODY THAT HELPS YOU DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
BEING AFRAID OF STRESSING THEM OUT OR BEING TOO NEEDY
“You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.”
—Danielle LaPorte, The Positivity of Pride (via rawcolorado)
my favorite part of shopping is the tears and frustration
I always think of Canada as the lovechild of England and France after they had a drunken one night stand and England just left it to grow up with its big brother America who was like the rebel of the family.
this is 100% definitely what happened.
May 2013
151 posts
we all know at least 1 asian Kevin
ONLY 90’S KIDS WILL GET THIS: crippling debt and ceaseless unemployment
if you ever think a date to a bookstore would be boring there’s this game you can play where you go to the romance novel section and the both of you pick out a book and flip to a random page. and you skim the pages and read the dirtiest part outloud. whoever has the nastiest scene gets a point and you just keep going until you feel like stopping it’s really quite entertaining
oH MY GOD
i’d like to think in a sort of apocalyptic situation i’d be a real hardass and take some motherfuckers out and be a ruthless leader but in reality i’d probably take some cheese crackers and hide in a tree and wait to die
